Titanic And American Pie
by joedan84
Summary: It's almost Valentine's Day and Chloe's bitter. Real bitter. (Chlarky goodness)


Started and Finished: February 2, 2003

Last Episode Seen Before Writing: Suspect

Pairing: Chloe/Clark

Rating: PG-13

Category: Angst, Romance

Spoilers: Tempest

Summary: It's almost Valentine's Day and Chloe's bitter. _Real_ bitter.

Disclaimer: I do not own this enjoyable, wonderful, snarkish, beautiful, amazing… Okay, okay, I'll stop. I don't own her, the show, or the other characters.

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Titanic And American Pie

Valentine's Day is a heinous holiday invented by chocolate companies to boost product sales. Okay, so it wasn't invented by chocolate companies, but it wouldn't be this big of a deal if they hadn't had their grubby little hands in it. Anyway, like enough of us aren't already gorging ourselves into obesity. Obesity rates...yeah, _way_ up! Like we need a "Day Of Chocolate" to help with that. I don't think so.

It is also invented to make people like me hate people like Sarah Stevenson. She has a boyfriend who will buy her chocolate and roses, and candies, and I don't. So, not only do I feel horrible cause she's living the good life and I'm not, I now have an official "Feel Like Crap Cause You're Alone" day! It just gets better and better.

And how cruel is it that Valentine's Day is a Friday? A "date night." That just worsens the "Valentine Conspiracy" factor! Yes, I know I have no one. Yes, I know you do. Yes, I know this is an official day for you to rub that in my face. And yes, I know that not having a date on Valentine's now means I also am dateless for the weekend. This is just wonderful!

So, here's my plan for Valentine's Day. First off, a trip to Blockbuster with a pocket full of cash. I am going to rent any and every movie I can get my hands on that doesn't have 'Love' 'Romance' 'Boyfriend' 'Girlfriend' or 'Date' in the description. Movies with the significant other being blown to bits are a bonus! That, or I can just watch "Villains" and "Two To Go" over and over, and laugh when Tara gets shot and Willow goes postal. Now, that's a bitch. Just getting your soulmate back to have her ripped away. Yeah, that would work for a bitter movie!

Next, I'll head down to the grocer's where I will buy cookies, cakes, you name it. Okay, so mainly cookies. And not even chocolate chip cookies. No way am I participating in "Make Your Significant Other Obese With Chocolate" day! So, oatmeal, peanut butter, and sugar cookies. Sounds good to me. Oh, and I can't forget the icing. Gallons of icing. And no…no chocolate icing either!

Then I will proceed to lock myself in my room and not come out until exactly 12:01 AM of Saturday, February 15th.

Oh, and if Clark or Pete make even one comment about Valentine's Day....I'll Mace them! You think I'm joking. Yeah, Pete thought I was joking about that rubber spider, too, until I shot him with my staple gun. Oh, close your mouth. He was across the room. He didn't even get hit. It just got the message across!

"Chloe? Chloe!" Damn, it's Clark. Where's the Mace. Stop laughing, I told you I was serious. Oh, here it is.

"Yeah, Clark?" Stop blushing. If you say Lana, you're going to get it.

"Lex is having a big Valentine's party tomorrow." 

"Let me guess. You either want me to do some research on it, or want me to print an article about it in The Torch." That's all you ever ask for anymore. Grr…

"No, we're supposed to bring a date." Oh, God. This is it. Now I can add matchmaker to my resume!

"And you want me to ask Lana. Fine, Clark. Whatever." Did I just agree? I just agreed. Why did I agree?

"No, that's not it, Chloe. Besides, that would be rude for me to ask you that." Now, you understand, Farmboy. What took so long?

"Want help picking out something to wear?" Going through Clark's closet, an excellent way to get in his room. I should have thought of it sooner.

"No. Well, yes, but there's something else." Let me guess again. Not only do you want me to hook you up with Lana Lang, you want me to pick out the best date outfit, _and_ immortalize the first kiss with my digital?!

"What else, Clark. Come on, just tell me. I can handle it."

"I want you to be my date." Okay, maybe I was wrong about being able to handle it. "Chloe? You look like you're going to hurl."

Straighten up, Sullivan. "No, I don't." Oh, that was very adult of you. Shut up!

"So, is that a yes?"

"You think me hurling is a yes?" 

"In some cultures it could be a sign of mating, I'm sure. I'll have to look into it." Cute, Clark. Real cute.

"Is Lana going?" Yes, look at the whole picture.

"Uh…if I say yes will you say no?" That doesn't sound good.

"Quite the opposite. If she's there, then there's no chance of you running off to save her from whatever evil decides to plague Smallville on Friday."

"She'll be there. She kind of already asked me to go, but I turned her down." Said with a grimace. 

"Lana Lang turned down by Clark Kent. Now that's a story for the Inquisitor."

"I can ask someone else, you know. It's not too late." He's grinning like a fool. Time to have some fun.

"Why don't you ask Lex?" That one caught him off guard.

"Lex? I don't get it. Lex is…" I can't help but laugh at the confusion on his face.

"I'll go with you, Clark." 

"Great!" Don't jump through ceiling now. That's a thought. Clark Kent, able to leap tall ceilings in a single bound. Well, with his height…

"Calm down, Clark. It's not like we haven't been on a date before." Yeah, that'll put a real good mood on this. Oh, shut up.

"Yeah, but that was different. I mean, this will be different. I mean…"

"You mean what, Clark?" 

"I mean, it won't be the same. Everyone I care for will be there, or safely at home. No emergencies, no reason to leave. Just you, and me, and-"

"Is Lana decorating?"

"Excuse me?" Oh, right. He was just getting to the mushy stuff.

"I just wanted to know if Lex's mansion will look like an explosion of a Pepto-Bismol factory, so I can dress appropriately." And he's grinning again.

"No, Lex is decorating. Well, he's having people decorate. He's not a baby pink kind of person."

"More like lilac," Well, _I_ thought that was funny.

"Chloe, can you just listen for a minute? It won't be like last time. I swear it won't. Trust me?" Oh, maybe that big sigh wasn't a good idea on my part.

"Always, Clark." Even when I know for a fact that I shouldn't. For some reason, I really do trust him right now.

"It will be a night you won't forget." Enter, Kiss Of Death. "Maybe wrong choice of words?"

"Maybe a little." Maybe a lot.

"Okay, you won't regret it. How's that?" He looks so proud.

"It's wonderful, Clark. Wonderful." And he can't get around that one. 'Night you won't forget.' Yeah, and not for good reasons, either.

His smile could light the world on fire. He looks like he's about to pull me out of this chair and swing me around. I better put the Mace away. I don't think I'll be needing it. And there he goes. I'm flying, Jack, I'm flying! Whoa, air sickness. Has anyone noticed how scarily tall he is? Okay, not the time to go there.

Wait, he's kissing me. His lips are so soft. Just like I imagined them. Yes, I've imagined Clark kissing me, so get over it! I may be tough-roll with the punches Chloe, but I'm still a girl. Wait, why's he pulling back? I'll never let go, Jack, I'll never let go. Note to self: cease all watching of Titanic immediately!

"Come help me pick out something to wear?" With that look can I say no? Mmm, Clark's bedroom. That's a big, massive, gigantic yes.

"Absolutely, just let me grab my purse." And slip the small can of mace out of my pocket. Can't have it going off when I sit down, now can we?

"Coming?"

"Yeah." I am walking out of the door with my Valentine's Day date. My Valentine. I have a Valentine! He's my Valentine! Second note to self: punish Pete for making me watch American Pie 1 & 2. Okay, Jimbo.

"What was that in your pocket?"

"Nothing." 


End file.
